Everywhere you look, you see people that are so dissatisfied with so many things in their lives - their looks, their wealth, their achievements, their spouse and anything they can even consider theirs. Here I shall drop a corny like, not very popular:
Being happy is not about having more, it is being content with what you have.
Now, I am not asking that everyone be content with how things are right now - with idiots in government, with people starving while there is abundant food, with homeless people when there is an overabundance of houses, to name a few. Instead I wonder about the motivations behind so many actions that so many people take - working for billions of dollars, which they will never finish spending; trying to look like a model, which is not only nearly impossible but pointless in the least; trying so hard to get laid, when sex just will not fulfill you.
There is just so many things that people do and are motivated to do that does not make sense when you sit down to think about it.
For one looks - guys buying shoes every other week, girls wearing torturous high heels (fake height), make up galore (fake skin), hair extensions (fake hair), fake eye lashes. While admittedly, being good looking does give you a better chance in life, but wouldn't it be better to just admit that you are not as good looking as all that fake stuff is supposed to make you. Why do we have a society that encourages this? Where we substitute looks for merit, intelligence, diligence and many other virtues so much more worthy, as what is important in life.
So much effort is put into this that I am surprised. If you told the child the amount of effort that we as a race put into this - entire industries based around looks - the child would tell you that it does not make any sense! And the child would be right! Yeah... but.... That is what you were about to say isn't it? Yeah, but. With the first word - yeah, you admit that this is logical, but then you add but. That means you already know what is logical yet still would defend senseless efforts towards something that shouldn't matter.
Yeah, but... that's how the world is.... the world is like that... people care about looks, it matters a lot....
You would say this even with the knowledge that it shouldn't matter, and just accept it. You would put all that effort and money into fake looks, but have resigned to have a world with something that very much shouldn't be. It is very much perplexing the things we do that does not make sense.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Friday, June 10, 2011
I'm playing DnD!!
This is one of the few DnD sessions that I've been joining, interesting stuff. Its a very interesting part of the session :P
Guess which one is me XD
Just something i wrote for my writing class on happiness and well-being
My view of well-being mainly consists of internal peace, self-actualization and having your needs met. Internal peace in better terms would be contentment in every possible way or simply having most of your wants satisfied, self-actualization is essentially being the best you that you want to be, and having your needs met is having the needs every human being has fulfilled. It would seem that the first is quite impossible to achieve, that is, to have everything that you might want, and that is partially true. Erich Fromm, explains two different forms of existing in his book To Have or to Be, which is being and having. People that base their existence, their sense of self and by extension their well-being on having would nearly never achieve the first, and because of that never really have well-being. People that be on the other hand are much more likely to attain internal peace and self-actualization.
The first thing I should address however, is needs. Human beings have many needs that range from material to emotional. I would define having your needs met as to not being deficient in either. Material needs, or material well-being, consists of the usual things, having a roof over your head, food to eat, clothes on your back and anything that makes life convenient to allow social participation and autonomy, as per Michael Marmot. Emotional needs include the need for love, joy and security, which one would normally get from their family, friends or spouse. While it is not necessary to have much of any of these mentioned above to be considered having your needs met, it is still important to not be lacking in any of them. To have all your material and especially emotional needs met is not easy, but it is not too daunting to achieve either.
Internal peace and actualization however is much more difficult to come by, especially if your sense of identity depends on having. A person whose sense of self is base on having essentially places his identity into the things that he has, such as cars, mansions, money and even power. And by basing his identity on such things, it creates an anxiety and also an unending hunger for more. A person that has fears losing his possessions, as it would amount to losing himself. This dread creates a sense of insecurity which also helps to feed the aforementioned unending hunger. A person always desires to grow, to expand the self, and a haver does so by attaining more, more wealth, more power. However, having more also creates a greater fear of losing what he has, and this insecurity urges him to attain even more, creating an unending cycle of want. Not every one of them experiences this cycle though, but all of them experience the fear in losing what they have. This fear also creates a distrust for others who might covet what they have, thus alienating them. A person that has would be fearful of death as he tries to cling to his material belongings even as he dies while knowing that he would lose them, a monument to which is the Pyramids, the attempts of the pharaohs to being their material belongings with them to the afterlife. It is this very cycle of want and the fear , that stops any haver from achieving internal peace.
A person that bases himself on having is not actualized because I believe that any person that is truly actualized would never base their identity on material and fleeting things. Thus it would be right to say that it is not the form of having that stops actualization, though the fixation on it would, it is more the lack of actualization that leaves a person to base his self-identity on what he has.
On the other hand, there are those that base their sense of self on being. A person that is I believe is much closer to self-actualization, as he focuses more on being himself than to be something he does not want to be to attain something that he does not truly want. He bases his growth on his experiences and thus his progress by what he does in life. A person that wants to be would respond spontaneously to life, with courage and yearn to be productive with their hands or with ideas. This leads to or, it could be argued, is led to by actualization. A person that is focused on being enriches his life with nourishing things as he hungers for life, on the way growing as a person, thus actualizing. It could also be seen that a person that is actualized would be more focused on being and would go forth and live his life fruitfully, either way, being and actualization go hand in hand.
Internal peace is then achieved as easily as being, as a person intent on being gets what he wants with the simple act of existing. While of course more pleasant experiences would be preferred, but a person that is would experience adversity as an opportunity to grow and experience something new or challenging, rather than an obstacle to attaining their material desires. It would sound like being focused on being would make a person fear the inevitable end of life, but it is only true for the haver. A person that is would at the end of their life have everything that they have ever done, achieved and experienced which most importantly, are things that they will keep even as they die. A being person also has no reason to fear losing their self-identity, or their experiences, as it is not something that can be taken from them, short of dementia. Internal peace and contentment is pretty much a given for a person that lives their lives as a being .
In reality, it is likely that no one is fully living in the polar form of being or having but more likely somewhere in between, but to attain well-being we should stop desiring empty things and just be.
The first thing I should address however, is needs. Human beings have many needs that range from material to emotional. I would define having your needs met as to not being deficient in either. Material needs, or material well-being, consists of the usual things, having a roof over your head, food to eat, clothes on your back and anything that makes life convenient to allow social participation and autonomy, as per Michael Marmot. Emotional needs include the need for love, joy and security, which one would normally get from their family, friends or spouse. While it is not necessary to have much of any of these mentioned above to be considered having your needs met, it is still important to not be lacking in any of them. To have all your material and especially emotional needs met is not easy, but it is not too daunting to achieve either.
Internal peace and actualization however is much more difficult to come by, especially if your sense of identity depends on having. A person whose sense of self is base on having essentially places his identity into the things that he has, such as cars, mansions, money and even power. And by basing his identity on such things, it creates an anxiety and also an unending hunger for more. A person that has fears losing his possessions, as it would amount to losing himself. This dread creates a sense of insecurity which also helps to feed the aforementioned unending hunger. A person always desires to grow, to expand the self, and a haver does so by attaining more, more wealth, more power. However, having more also creates a greater fear of losing what he has, and this insecurity urges him to attain even more, creating an unending cycle of want. Not every one of them experiences this cycle though, but all of them experience the fear in losing what they have. This fear also creates a distrust for others who might covet what they have, thus alienating them. A person that has would be fearful of death as he tries to cling to his material belongings even as he dies while knowing that he would lose them, a monument to which is the Pyramids, the attempts of the pharaohs to being their material belongings with them to the afterlife. It is this very cycle of want and the fear , that stops any haver from achieving internal peace.
A person that bases himself on having is not actualized because I believe that any person that is truly actualized would never base their identity on material and fleeting things. Thus it would be right to say that it is not the form of having that stops actualization, though the fixation on it would, it is more the lack of actualization that leaves a person to base his self-identity on what he has.
On the other hand, there are those that base their sense of self on being. A person that is I believe is much closer to self-actualization, as he focuses more on being himself than to be something he does not want to be to attain something that he does not truly want. He bases his growth on his experiences and thus his progress by what he does in life. A person that wants to be would respond spontaneously to life, with courage and yearn to be productive with their hands or with ideas. This leads to or, it could be argued, is led to by actualization. A person that is focused on being enriches his life with nourishing things as he hungers for life, on the way growing as a person, thus actualizing. It could also be seen that a person that is actualized would be more focused on being and would go forth and live his life fruitfully, either way, being and actualization go hand in hand.
Internal peace is then achieved as easily as being, as a person intent on being gets what he wants with the simple act of existing. While of course more pleasant experiences would be preferred, but a person that is would experience adversity as an opportunity to grow and experience something new or challenging, rather than an obstacle to attaining their material desires. It would sound like being focused on being would make a person fear the inevitable end of life, but it is only true for the haver. A person that is would at the end of their life have everything that they have ever done, achieved and experienced which most importantly, are things that they will keep even as they die. A being person also has no reason to fear losing their self-identity, or their experiences, as it is not something that can be taken from them, short of dementia. Internal peace and contentment is pretty much a given for a person that lives their lives as a being .
In reality, it is likely that no one is fully living in the polar form of being or having but more likely somewhere in between, but to attain well-being we should stop desiring empty things and just be.
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Life is like....
Driving on a road. The idea came to me when - I was driving, no surprise there.
I would go about writing this structurally, but then again that's not how my mind works.
Firstly, everyone likes to think that they're good drivers (like myself), when they actually are terrible drivers ( life myself). In real life, people go about thinking that what they do is right, and what everyone else is doing "to them" is a terrible and a crime punishable by death by puppies. And rarely, they realize (like myself) that they suck at driving, and not because they don't have the capacity to do so, but because of bad choices and habits. Same thing with real life. We are not incapable of being successful, we have pretty much most of the things that successful people have before they became rich and powerful, our functioning body, and our brain - we just didn't put it into as good a use as them.
People hate getting cut off on the road, or someone that is indecisive on the lane they want to be on, maybe someone that doesn't signal, perhaps someone that's speeding, or going too slow, or talking on the phone, or who cut a red light, or.. the list goes on - but fail to remember that they have done the exact same things before in the past, and may even still be doing it at present (like myself). Applying this to real life, you can look at it from many angles. When people get questions from little kiddies, it takes a real matured mind to understand that to that tiny being, the question might seem quite logical to ask, while to us it sounds real stupid. And they forget, they used to ask the same kinda questions too.
And when people are late, the victim complains and bitches on about "oh my gawd why don't you ever turn up on time...." When they have been late themselves too. People fail to understand that they make the same mistakes you do, FOR THE SAME REASONS TOO, a lot of the time at least. Of course some people do it more than others (like myself) but well, some drivers are worse than others.
And then there is the people in your car, who are most of the time, your family, but as you grow older, it becomes your friends, and then the family that you build. They get on and get off, like in life when people enter and leave, maybe due to disagreements, different destinations or just circumstance. These people you are really close with, and for a time, even if its short, you share the same path and thus at least by proximity, you are closest to them.
And then there are the other people on the road. Most of the time if something happens, lets say an accident, you as a passenger usually side with the people in your car right? An in-group, out-group mentality where the outsiders are always wrong even though your driver clearly went too close...
And on the road there is an etiquette that you have to follow like in real life. And like in real life people don't agree what the rules are. Some people don't like it when someone overtakes them, even though they're slow, and in real life, people with seniority don't like it when someone goes over them from below. Who's wrong, the slow ass or the other?
I would write more but my inspiration has fizzled out for the moment...
I would go about writing this structurally, but then again that's not how my mind works.
Firstly, everyone likes to think that they're good drivers (like myself), when they actually are terrible drivers ( life myself). In real life, people go about thinking that what they do is right, and what everyone else is doing "to them" is a terrible and a crime punishable by death by puppies. And rarely, they realize (like myself) that they suck at driving, and not because they don't have the capacity to do so, but because of bad choices and habits. Same thing with real life. We are not incapable of being successful, we have pretty much most of the things that successful people have before they became rich and powerful, our functioning body, and our brain - we just didn't put it into as good a use as them.
People hate getting cut off on the road, or someone that is indecisive on the lane they want to be on, maybe someone that doesn't signal, perhaps someone that's speeding, or going too slow, or talking on the phone, or who cut a red light, or.. the list goes on - but fail to remember that they have done the exact same things before in the past, and may even still be doing it at present (like myself). Applying this to real life, you can look at it from many angles. When people get questions from little kiddies, it takes a real matured mind to understand that to that tiny being, the question might seem quite logical to ask, while to us it sounds real stupid. And they forget, they used to ask the same kinda questions too.
And when people are late, the victim complains and bitches on about "oh my gawd why don't you ever turn up on time...." When they have been late themselves too. People fail to understand that they make the same mistakes you do, FOR THE SAME REASONS TOO, a lot of the time at least. Of course some people do it more than others (like myself) but well, some drivers are worse than others.
And then there is the people in your car, who are most of the time, your family, but as you grow older, it becomes your friends, and then the family that you build. They get on and get off, like in life when people enter and leave, maybe due to disagreements, different destinations or just circumstance. These people you are really close with, and for a time, even if its short, you share the same path and thus at least by proximity, you are closest to them.
And then there are the other people on the road. Most of the time if something happens, lets say an accident, you as a passenger usually side with the people in your car right? An in-group, out-group mentality where the outsiders are always wrong even though your driver clearly went too close...
And on the road there is an etiquette that you have to follow like in real life. And like in real life people don't agree what the rules are. Some people don't like it when someone overtakes them, even though they're slow, and in real life, people with seniority don't like it when someone goes over them from below. Who's wrong, the slow ass or the other?
I would write more but my inspiration has fizzled out for the moment...
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Motivation
Throughout my life, ive seen many people lacking this - motivation. Especially in school. And when i say motivation, i mean a genuine drive that comes from within, and not pressured from without.
Studying hard because your parents ask u to, is lousy motivation from what I know. Studying hard for the ambitions that you have, is better, but if the ambitions are selfish, ive found it to be quite weak for some people. For me, the only thing that could possibly move me to care is people. The thought that suffering happens (and i'm part of the cause) is sickening and painful.
But i digress, motivation is needed for people to function well, or you will slowly find apathy creeping into your life, without even realising it. And this is what kills potential, its wat kills dreams and hopes and ambition.
We all need to think of what motivates us, and if its not good enough, we need someting better.
Studying hard because your parents ask u to, is lousy motivation from what I know. Studying hard for the ambitions that you have, is better, but if the ambitions are selfish, ive found it to be quite weak for some people. For me, the only thing that could possibly move me to care is people. The thought that suffering happens (and i'm part of the cause) is sickening and painful.
But i digress, motivation is needed for people to function well, or you will slowly find apathy creeping into your life, without even realising it. And this is what kills potential, its wat kills dreams and hopes and ambition.
We all need to think of what motivates us, and if its not good enough, we need someting better.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
What i hate ; ignorance
What I hate
The anger it brings to me,
The suffering it brings to men,
In fables told, it brings bliss,
In truth it causes amiss.
It is ignorance I speak of,
For I see it free and fro.
In ideal, i wish it gone,
For without ignorance,
We are already free.
This was some poem that i wrote for some assignment, but with a new quote that i read from a really smart man, i have formed a thought! (surprising eh...)
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
-Albert Einstein.
I shit you not, thats wat he said.
I believe i have traced all avoidable suffering, that we all bring upon ourselves to one thing, and you have guessed it - IGNORANCE, or to the laymen, stupidity
Just think about it.....
The poor suffer because they do not know the power they have.
That is a form of ignorance right there, and that is also quite a large chunk of human suffering.
The Afghans suffer, because they are mislead by the Taliban into thinking that they serve the will of God.
They are ignorant of what God really wants.
The common people are opressed by their governments cuz they do not realize how many share their thoughts, and of the power they actually wield.
Ignorance, the only plague other than disease.
The anger it brings to me,
The suffering it brings to men,
In fables told, it brings bliss,
In truth it causes amiss.
It is ignorance I speak of,
For I see it free and fro.
In ideal, i wish it gone,
For without ignorance,
We are already free.
This was some poem that i wrote for some assignment, but with a new quote that i read from a really smart man, i have formed a thought! (surprising eh...)
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
-Albert Einstein.
I shit you not, thats wat he said.
I believe i have traced all avoidable suffering, that we all bring upon ourselves to one thing, and you have guessed it - IGNORANCE, or to the laymen, stupidity
Just think about it.....
The poor suffer because they do not know the power they have.
That is a form of ignorance right there, and that is also quite a large chunk of human suffering.
The Afghans suffer, because they are mislead by the Taliban into thinking that they serve the will of God.
They are ignorant of what God really wants.
The common people are opressed by their governments cuz they do not realize how many share their thoughts, and of the power they actually wield.
Ignorance, the only plague other than disease.
Are your relationships superficial?
One of the saddest things i have realized when i sat down to think deep (depressing mostly) thoughts is that most, if not all of my relationships with people in my life is SUPERFICIAL.
By superficial i mean that the "masquerade" is still going on between you and said person. Masquerading means that everything you talk about, and know about each other is just at best on the surface. You talk to each other about the weather, a little about politics, maybe about the latest news on Tiger Woods.... but you dont talk about the real stuff, like your feelings and thoughts about life, deepest wishes, true aspirations, thoughts about god and all....
Just recently, i got slightly drunk after some clubbing, and it was clear as glass to me then, that i should change all that and get real so to say. And by the next morning, as i expected, the notion faded with the buzz, as the usual barrier that stopped me all my life, returns.
People always say things are complicated, and what i realise is that its all quite simple, and that we're just not able to admit to ourselves that we dont have the bloody ballz to do something simple.
Imma go try n grow a pair of those right now, and see where that takes me.
By superficial i mean that the "masquerade" is still going on between you and said person. Masquerading means that everything you talk about, and know about each other is just at best on the surface. You talk to each other about the weather, a little about politics, maybe about the latest news on Tiger Woods.... but you dont talk about the real stuff, like your feelings and thoughts about life, deepest wishes, true aspirations, thoughts about god and all....
Just recently, i got slightly drunk after some clubbing, and it was clear as glass to me then, that i should change all that and get real so to say. And by the next morning, as i expected, the notion faded with the buzz, as the usual barrier that stopped me all my life, returns.
People always say things are complicated, and what i realise is that its all quite simple, and that we're just not able to admit to ourselves that we dont have the bloody ballz to do something simple.
Imma go try n grow a pair of those right now, and see where that takes me.
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